He SaidShe SaidYou Don't Say!
by celticgina
Summary: Before they talk to each other, who and where do they vent? GRIGSBY, of course, rating for the language and maybe the smut bunnies later? Review? COMPLETE...
1. Chapter 1

**I know all of us in the land of GRIGSBY are really pissed at the nonsense last week. I think before they talk to each other….they talked to someone else.**

**DISCLAIMER: Not mine, but I am thinking of a road trip to kick some writer's butts!**

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HE SAID….

The amber liquid in the bottom of the glass should have numbed him by now. He really wasn't much of a drinker. Why was the pain still so intense? Why didn't he feel better? Why didn't he feel nothing? He took another large swallow, wincing as the liquor burned his throat. Christ! How did drunks do this anyway? Well, at least he now knew why. They probably had their hearts broken.

Raising his head, he caught the eye of Marcy, the bartender at Justice Served, the choice for cops and those in law enforcement. It was a cop's bar. You could drink and bitch about the job without some ass wipe telling you how you should be doing your job.

Marcy shook her head at Rigsby. He looked like hell. Usually, he came in with Cho; they ordered a beer or two, coke in Cho's case and a burger. The conversations were usually pretty one sided, but they were nice guys. Marcy liked working here. The place never got robbed, you didn't need bouncers, cops were the most entertaining flirts and most of them tipped pretty well. For a woman bartender who would never see 40 again, it was a pretty good gig. She always got a kick out of Rigsby. He was gorgeous, but really sweet and nice. It never failed to make her laugh when he would politely turn down a woman.

"What's the matter, Charlie Brown? You and your little red haired girl have a fight? You don't usually drink like this? What's the deal?"

She was trying to stall giving him more to drink. She didn't normally make those judgments for people, but she knew him well enough to know this was bad. At last, reinforcements arrived.

"Shut up Marcy. Just pour me another?"

A hand reached across the top of the glass and a voice made Marcy pause.

"I think you better stop. This will not solve your problem"

"Screw you Cho! I can drink if I want. "

"What the hell happened? Did Lisbon tell you that one of you had to transfer? How pissed was Grace?"

"I should never have told her. I should have just walked away. Everyone else falls in love, don't they? How come it's easy for them?"

"It's not easy for anyone. Come on, I'll take you home. We'll pick up your car tomorrow"

"I don't even know what the hell I did wrong? Married? What the hell?"

"Grace proposed?"

Marcy had been listening for over a year to the story of the shy agent's unrequited love. It's why she always called him Charlie Brown, too shy to ask out the little red haired girl. She gave up pretending not to listen and waited for the answer.

"No! It's just that, well and Shit!"

"Ok, you have to give me more than that"

"So, Lisbon finally calls us in to talk about our announcement. She tells us that at the end of the case, she is turning us in. Grace says they will make one of us transfer. Lisbon says you knew that would happen. So, we are talking about it and I say how it won't be too bad, if she gets sent to the Fresno office or something and we can still work out seeing each other. Because I have more seniority, it stands to reason, they are transferring her, right?"

"Probably, but she that's not what she wanted to hear"

"No shit. She freaked and when I tried to explain….ah shit! I screwed it up worse"

"Rigsby, what did you say?"

Cho and Marcy exchanged glances. Wayne was not stupid, but he had the most amazing knack of saying things so they came out wrong. It was probably why he didn't talk much around women, Marcy reasoned.

"So, I finally get her to talk later quietly. I apologize for assuming her career wasn't as important. We should be good then, right? No! She says I shouldn't have made decisions for her career, because it's not like we're married right? I say of course not, how stupid would that be? Then she really freaks out on me!"

By now, Skip the barback and Todd, the owner had come over to listen to Rigsby. The place was pretty quiet, and clearly, this was going to be a good story to tell later. All of them winced visibly at the word stupid, but Rigsby was both too drunk and too upset to notice.

"Where is this relationship going? I don't know, I tell her, we've only been dating a couple of months who knows what will happen, right? Now she thinks she should never have tanked her career for me without finding this all out. Like my career isn't taking a hit here too? I told her to do whatever she wants and left. She blows hot and cold on me."

"What about Lisbon"

"There's the freaking kicker here. She tells us she never heard us, we didn't say anything. We are not allowed any kind of PDA's at the office. Fuck! We could have had it all! But, no, Grace had to get all weird on me. What the hell do women want anyway?"

Cho, Skip and Todd all looked to Marcy. Clearly she was better qualified to answer that one. Wayne started to lift the empty glass to his lips and then just set it down dejectedly. It was painful to watch the wounded man.

"Oh Charlie Brown! You really screwed this one up big time. How does someone who solves as many crimes as you guys not get it?"

"What? I told her if she was transferred, we would still be together."

"Let's start with that. She is terrified that she took her dream of being a successful detective and put it on hold for you."

"What? I never told her or wanted that!"

"No, but like most guys, you assumed her career was secondary. It's a gender thing that has been bred in through thousands of years of conditioning. At least you apologized for that."

"Yeah, I did!"

"But oh sweetie, you said being married to her would be stupid? You actually said stupid"

"I didn't mean it would be stupid being married to her, just it was stupid to think of that now."

"Wait, isn't she from like Kansas or something?"

"Iowa"

"Oh my God! You told a girl who is past 25 from Iowa that marriage to her was stupid."

"That's not what I said…."

"Yeah, but that is what she heard. And then you told her you didn't know if this relationship had a future"

"What? I didn't say that or mean it"

"Look whether or not we admit it, women want to know a guy wants to be with her always. And we want to hear that when we are out of bed. We want a guy, wait, not a guy, a man who will stand up for us and our relationship. You, my friend, crumpled like a wet napkin."

"Oh hell, that's not fair. I love her. I have for a long time. I have told her that over and over. I agreed to go to Lisbon. I could see the secrecy was killing her. I know she wants more. But hell, we are just getting started. We are in a dangerous job. Who the hell knows what the future will bring? Married? This is the biggest most important relationship I have ever had. I don't think I would even know how to be married"

Cho flashed back to all he had read in Rigsby's file. It wasn't exactly the Brady Bunch. Most guys didn't want to get married, but they did because they didn't want to lose the woman. He had no doubt that Rigsby would have gotten to that point as a matter of course. Grace would have to nudge him there, but still it would have happened.

"Look man, this relationship was always going to be tough. You're both agents in the same unit. Stands to reason the strain would show. It's not fair, but if you really want her, you're going to have to be the one to man up"

"And say what? Oh crap saying anything. I suck at talking. Well talking about anything important. I should write down what I want to say. Yeah, I'll write her a letter!"

He looked so happy that he had solved the puzzle. Marcy hated to burst his bubble.

"Look, this is not a letter kind of thing. Sure write it all out so it helps you, but don't read it to her. Do you love this girl?"

"Yeah, more than I ever thought possible. And I am screwing it up big-time."

"Ok, then. Cho, take him home. Come back in the morning; get your car in the morning. Then after you eat, go talk to her. Don't try and talk at work. There's too much pressure. But this is it. Yeah, I think she's rushing things, but this kind of relationship is not like normal people. But, and this is a big one, Charlie Brown, you better spend tonight thinking. What do you want? Now, 3 months from now, 3 years from now. If this is it for you, man up."

Wayne stood up a little unsteadily and handed over his keys to Todd. He was drunk, terrified and suddenly exhausted.

"Thanks Marcy. I appreciate this. C'mon Cho, take me to my place. I got to get up and talk to Grace."

The bar staff watched the mismatched pair walk out of the bar. Marcy started to wash Rigsby's glass and sent a little prayer toward heaven. Real love was hard to find. The big man had fallen hard. She hoped it worked out. Mostly, she hoped the girl was willing to listen.

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**Points to anyone who gets a name reference here! Review?**


	2. She Said

**Grace gets to vent. I had a hard time finding the right person and place for her. I hope this works for you all.**

**DISCLAIMER: Laundry waiting to folded, mine, nothing else!**

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Her Side

Pretending to be pleasant and sweet while crying inside was Grace's specialty. She had been doing it for years. The coach's daughter in a small football town was constantly under scrutiny. She knew how to play the game. Tonight, at the soup kitchen, that skill was being sorely tested. Usually coming here helped. It centered her. It made her put her problems into perspective. That was not happening today.

Today, her misery permeated her very core. Today, she was moody and irritable. Today, her heart had been broken. Her big, strong, sweet loving hero had taken a sledgehammer to that organ. Then that misery would swing from despair to fury. She alternated between the two, sometimes feeling both at the same time.

But she would maintain. She would smile and be sweet. No one would know her anguish. She was hiding it all. Except she wasn't. She was so wrapped into hiding it that she jumped when Patty grabbed her arm.

"Grace, dear, can you come help me in the kitchen a moment?"

Instead of the kitchen, Grace was whisked to the storage/office area that Patty used. Patty was taller than Grace, a pleasant round face topped off with poker straight bangs and a pageboy. She wore sandals year round and had a seemingly limitless supply of good humor and patience. She was one of those woman who could be anywhere between 40 and 60. Grace always thought she was closer to the top number. Right now, those pale blue eyes pinned the younger woman with concern as she pushed her into the rocker across from her desk.

"Ok, dear, spill it. What or is it who has your panties in a twist?" Patty was never known for her subtlety. Her willingness to be direct and honest in the same way with everyone made her universally loved. Everyone just knew Patty had the best BS detector in the world.

Grace gripped the arms of the well-worn wood and tried to hold it together. She hated weepy women. She had vowed in Junior High never to be one of those girls who spent their lives crying in the ladies' room. Even if her life had allowed it, she always looked down on such behavior.

"Grace? Unload. It doesn't make you weak; it makes you smart enough to dump what you don't need. So, we are alone, out there will run itself. Dump it baby"

"Men suck!"

"Oh, it is 'Mr. tall, dark, gorgeous and bashful' making you cry? I thought it might be. Only a man could make a woman that miserable. Tell me the story. Not just your side, but the whole thing."

With those words, Patty pulled a worn armchair over and handed Grace a box of tissues. She had a feeling the younger woman would need them soon.

"Why didn't he just keep his mouth shut? I knew he liked me, but until he said something, it was just fine. We could work together. Yeah, it was a little weird when I caught him staring. But he usually just looked away. The only time he ever did anything was when he wasn't in control. If he had only not said anything. And then he says it. He says it all! In the middle of a case no less. 'Screw the rules!' Bull! He gets me, I am hooked. Then he backs away."

"Backed away from saying he loved you?"

Patty already knew the story. Grace had come in floating after she finally did something about that man. She also listened to her fears about her job. The young woman was in a real predicament.

"No! He loves me, I know that. He says it all the time. It's just that at work, he is suddenly terrified. Screw the rules and screw the CBI. Yeah I guess that was just to get me into bed. I put my job, my career on the line. He almost died again in a fire. I couldn't live with the secrecy. It eats at your soul. People do horrible things to maintain secrets. I didn't want to be one. So we tell everyone. He actually used the word lovers. Not in a relationship or together, but that we are lovers. He is always saying things wrong!"

"Then what happened? What did your boss do? It sounds like you forced her hand?"

"So we stood there, and they just about laughed. Cho and Jane thought it was funny. They said everyone knew, except for Lisbon. She was horrified and shocked. She finally calls us into her office and says she is turning us in at the end of the case. When I tell her it will mean one of us will be forced out, she looks at me only and says we knew that would happen. Like this is all my fault."

Grace held up her hand as Patty was about to speak.

"I know, women bear the greater burden in life. My mom used to give me that speech all the time. And yeah, I had more control I guess. I kissed him. But oh my God! So, we are working on the case and he says it won't be so bad when I get transferred. We can still see each other on weekends! As if that makes it all better. Of course, he assumes I will get transferred. Seniority, he says. He is planning my career for me?"

Patty shook her head both at the man's foolishness and at his uncanny ability to say the wrong thing constantly. Grace's love was not a smooth operator.

"So we finally talk, and he apologized for being a jerk. I tell him how I feel that he can't make decisions like this, it's not like we are married or anything. And as he is sneaking a kiss he murmurs those words every woman wants to hear, 'how stupid would that be?'."

"He actually said Stupid?"

"Stupid! Then he tries to backtrack by saying he meant right now, we have only been together a couple of months, who knows where we will be. I suddenly realize he had said he loves me, but nothing else. I tell him maybe I should have talked about us and our relationships future before I endangered my job! Then he is suddenly worried about his job and I should be too. Finally, he just blows at me and tells me to do whatever I want and storms off! Like he is the injured party!"

"Wow, well at least you don't have to worry about your job."

"That's the best! Lisbon comes out and tells us that she didn't hear it, we didn't say it and there are to be no displays of affection at the CBI. She would essentially look the other way as long as we were circumspect. We could have had it all. But at least I know how little he thinks of me and our future"

The last part came out on a long held in sob. Grace grabbed a tissue and cried quiet heaving sobs.

"Why did I let myself go? I knew better. I knew getting involved at work was a mistake. But I was sure he was different. He didn't just hit on me, he silently adored me. I knew it. Every time something happened, I knew I could look up and those big blue eyes were hugging me. I should have been smarter."

After a few minutes, she calmed herself and looked over at Patty. She was sitting back in that ugly green and orange paisley armchair watching Grace intently. Oh no. Patty was not hugging. Patty hugged. She hugged smelly homeless men, Congressmen, and the UPS delivery woman. She said a hug was the hardest thing to fight. Patty was not hugging Grace. Oh no.

"Truth?"

Oh no. This was not going to be the warm fuzzy Patty. This was going to Angel of Truth Patty. Grace sat up, blew her nose, and squared her shoulders. She was pretty sure this would have the same impact on her as those bullets.

"Go."

"He is an idiot and a moron. But most men are. You said yourself one of the things you loved was how horrible he was at lying. He was terrified to tell you how he felt. It took him over a year to say anything when he wasn't stoned or hypnotized. You didn't fall for a smoothie. This is not news to you. He does have several years more seniority over you. It was a fair assumption that you would be transferred before him. Yeah, that sucks. But Lisbon was right. You went into this with eyes wide open sweetie."

"But stupid?"

"Ok, no man who is thinking right would ever say stupid to a woman over 25 in discussing marriage. But honestly, I don't think he even knows that much. This relationship was always going to be hard. You knew that too. You have been together less than a couple of months. The future? Marriage? You asked a guy who is a little clueless to begin with to have that conversation when he is worried about losing his career? Do you think it's possible that you jumped that one just a little? Two years, yeah you ask the question. Hell, after two years you give him the speech. But two months? I am willing to bet he is still amazed you are with him. Have you even ever said 'I love you' back to him yet?"

Grace stopped rocking the chair, and sat up. There was nothing like the unvarnished truth mirror that Patty held up to bring a girl up short. As pissed as he was at Wayne, Patty had a point. They were too stressed and too new to really have that speech. Part of her didn't even want the conversation.

"I guess you are right. But what really frightens me is that when the going got tough, he was willing to throw me under the bus."

"You have told me how he is not a fast thinker. He's a puzzler. He works out the pieces and then makes them fit. When he thought about it, he apologized to you. I think you are right about one thing. You should have had the conversation outside of work before you announced your relationship to everyone."

"I guess we were both a little tired of the secrecy and hiding and jumped."

"He stood up in front of his boss and risked his career too. You said he did the talking. For a guy you describe as shy when it comes to feelings, that was pretty big."

"Oh God, I really hurt him too. Now what do I do.?"

"What do you really want?"

"Wayne, I want Wayne."

"So, maybe you should have a chat with him? It's late and you are exhausted. Go home and sleep. Call him and meet somewhere to talk. And not to be too crude here, but do it away from a bed. I don't think that is your problem."

Grace blushed furiously at that. As usual, Patty was right. They were combustible anywhere in bed. Actually, anywhere private was enough for them. Maybe she would have him meet her at the park. It was public. Nodding her head, she stood up. This time, Patty did hug her.

"All true love has a rocky path. If it is the real thing, it will survive and flourish. If it is not, you will survive. But be sure of what you want here."

"Thank you Patty! I'll see you next week?"

"I better get a call before then! And bring this boy in to meet me."

Grace smiled her assent and left quietly. She had a lot to think about on the ride home. She wanted to be sure before she spoke to Wayne.

Patty watched the young woman leave with a smile. She put the tissue box and rocker back into place. She hoped it would work out for Grace and her young man. She had a gentle kind soul and she suspected he did too.

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**I tried to be fair to Grace, but she kind of cheeses me off sometimes. What do we think**?


	3. They Said

**So, time for them to talk. This was much harder to write than I expected.**

**DISCLAIMER: I really need to borrow them soon for a while!**

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Grace rolled over and hugged the pillow he usually used. She could still faintly smell him there. It was a too small and poor substitute for the real thing. There were reminders of him everywhere in her apartment. The little pillow on the sofa he used to put behind his head when he watched TV. The yogurt with the cookie crunchies in her fridge. Two of his dress shirts hung in her closet, ready for a days work if needed.

Patty's words echoed through her head last night. What did she want? What was she willing to do or change? Was Wayne right? Was marriage between them stupid now or altogether? Did she panic and throw that out there too soon?

A glance at her bedside clock confirmed it was too early to call him. She would go for a run. There was something soothing about the rhythm of her feet hitting the blacktop in counter to her breathing. It usually cleared her head and centered her.

Twenty minutes later, she was deep in thought at the park. Her headphones were turned up full blast. She wanted to shut out all the distractions. She was so focused on her inner turmoil that she wasn't able to avoid the collision with the man getting up from tying his sneakers in the path. The touch of his hands on his arms steadying her was a shock to her system. Her skin tingled and her heart rate went through the roof. Her body recognized him before her head. But hadn't that always been so?

Wayne couldn't believe he almost tripped Grace in the park. He couldn't believe he was up and running so early this morning. But once his morning after thirst woke him, sleeping was impossible. He drank a huge glass of orange juice and decided to sweat out the night before.

Just as his shoe had started to unravel, he was going to head back. They almost missed each other completely. He drank in all her details hungrily. Her eyes were rounded in shock. That long mane of red silk was tied up in a braid. She was wearing a football t-shirt from her Dad's team. It was her favorite, he knew. Those mile long legs ended in a pair of dark green shorts. She had a slight sheen of sweat on her. She hadn't been running too long.

God! Even his sweat smelled sexy. Dressed in a faded San Diego PD t-shirt, and long grey shorts, she watched his eyes devour her. As he registered his hands grasping her arms, he stepped back in embarrassment, dropping his eyes. Dressed in a civilizing suit and tie, he was tall and handsome. But wearing much less, muscles glistening with sweat on display, she was reminded of his strength and power. Those lowered eyes reminded her of his inner vulnerability.

In a flash, grace knew what she really wanted. She wanted all of him. The strength, the sweetness, and even the awkwardness that was Wayne.

"I'm sorry, my shoelace…"

"I can't believe we ran into…"

They both spoke at the same time and stopped together. Neither one was saying anything important. It was just something to fill in the awkward void. Wayne gestured for Grace to continue.

"I was going to call you today. But I got up so early, and figured I would run before I woke you."

At the news she wanted to call him, his expressive eyes lit up. "Really? I was going to call you too, but, well, it was really early and you know, I thought I would run too"

He stammered out his explanation, not sure of how to begin. As much as seeing her lifted his spirits, he was not prepared and terrified he would step on his words again. He tried to be calm and organize his thoughts.

"Wayne? There's a bench right there. We both want to talk, so let's sit and talk."

"Here?"

"Yeah, here. If we go back to one of our apartments, we both know talking will be the last thing we do." She said that with a smile that lifted his heart. She didn't hate him. She was still thinking of him in that way. This was good. Now all he had to do was not screw this up. Crap!

"Ok, sure"

Grace smiled to herself. He really was adorable. She knew he was terrified of saying the wrong thing here.

"Look, Wayne, this week has been horrible for us both. Between the fire, and that documentary crew in our face and making that announcement we haven't really talked, have we? Then waiting for Lisbon to lower the boom on us. We should have been better together"

"Yeah, I felt like nothing I said or did was right, ya know?"

"I know. And we did this all backwards. We jumped. We're smart, we're trained investigators. We don't just go off like that. We gather facts and examine evidence. We sure didn't do that did we?"

"No. I just know how I feel about you. I thought the rest would all just fall into place."

"Ok, then, lets figure this all out together, ok? That's if you still want to be together?"

Grace had deliberately seated herself with some distance between them. She knew the effect Wayne had on her. If she sat closer and breathed in his scent of sweat and man, she wouldn't be able to coherently say her name, let alone a conversation. Just sitting across a park bench, she was sorely tempted by him. Those long muscles in his thighs displayed by his shorts were lightly dusted with hair. She clenched her own thighs together to quell her body's reaction to memories of how that hair tickled her in the most intimate of ways.

So, she left some space, hoping she could have a conversation and not jump him in the park. She didn't count on the length or strength of his arms. He reached over easily and pulled her onto his lap.

"Do I want? Of course I do." His big hands stroked her arms and bare legs, as if cataloguing any changes in the last few days apart. Grace knew she was in big trouble now. Being this close to him, breathing in his essence as his muscles in his bare legs flooded her with memories of how they felt pinning her to the bed.

She jumped up and walked a few steps away.

"No, Wayne, don't"

His face fell and took on that hurt and confused look that tore at her heart. But she knew she had to be strong.

"Wayne, if we start touching each other, we will never figure this out. How you make me feel when I am in your arms has never been the problem"

His eyes cleared as he considered her words. He knew she was right. They were combustible together physically. As much as he wanted to carry her back to his bed, he knew they needed to solve the problem.

"OK. We talk. I am sorry. I didn't mean to say marriage was stupid. I guess I just never let myself get that far in my head about us. Aw, hell, Grace, I am still in shock you are with me. I wanted you for so long, and was so convinced we would never happen, I didn't even see past that. I am not even sure why we have to discuss the future. We were doing good, right, well, um, er, except that we could tell anyone about us"

"Oh Wayne. I don't think we have to have it all planned out. I guess I was so freaked at what was happening at work that I pushed. Yeah, I want to know that we have a future. You made such a big deal out of chasing me, that I guess I am a little hurt and surprised you don't want more."

"I thought we had more?"

Grace looked long and hard at this handsome and clueless man. Patty was right. He wasn't just shy, he really had no idea. She knew from things he had dropped that his family life wasn't great. Maybe that was the problem.

"Ok, Wayne, we don't have to plan everything, but did you even see a future with us?"

She watched as his eyes got even bigger. He was completely unsure of how to respond. Deer in the headlights was coined for a face like the one he made now. A little piece of her cracked at that moment. He had never even thought about it. She had tied up her life, her heart, her career in this man. He hadn't even thought about it. For all he said he loved her, he was happy in the moment.

Wayne watched the life drain out of her eyes. Without even talking, he was blowing it again. He started to stand, to go and put his arms around her, but stopped himself. She needed words, and they had to be the right ones. He sat down and ran his hands down his face. He was going to lose her. That had to outweigh it all. She deserved to know.

"Grace, sit down. You need to understand why the future, love, relationships are all things that I never thought about before. I told you who my father was. I grew up thinking that planning for the future, the kind of future someone like you took for granted, was not possible. I didn't grow up like you. Being a cop, that was as normal as I ever thought I would get."

"Oh. I never thought. I guess I want to feel like you want more with me."

"I guess I do. I don't know. It has only been a couple of months. Can't we just enjoy that?"

Grace sat down heavily on the bench. He really only wanted now. Even allowing for his past, he was just a normal guy. Patty was right. Guys don't want the future. It was up to the woman ultimately. What should she do? She could demand a commitment of some kind. He would probably give it, but it would be forced and did she really want that? She could just drift, but then, she wouldn't feel like he was really invested as she was. There had to be a happy medium.

"Wayne, I don't want you to think we have to decide it all now, but I think we should start thinking about all this. Maybe not today, but one day. I guess its all been a lot all at once. But one day, we will talk. And if before that day, you don't see us happening, you tell me. Because, Wayne, I will transfer, as far away from you as possible."

"What? Why? You want to transfer?"

"Listen to me, Wayne. This is exactly why they have rules against this. If we ever don't work out, one of us would have to transfer. Because as hard as it is to be together and work, it would be so much harder to be apart. Remember when I said that night in the car about how it wasn't the right time? I meant that I was afraid that if we did get together, and God knows I wanted to so much, if we broke up, what would happen"

"Wait. We weren't even together and you were planning to break up with me? Jeez Grace, I am confused. I feel like sometimes I don't know where I stand. Do you want to be with me? Because I know how I feel. I have felt the same way from the moment I met you."

His eyes took on that very deep blue as he spoke. His happy face became so serious and focused. Instead of ducking his head, he gazed straight at her. Everything he felt was right there shining forth for all to see. How was any woman supposed to resist that?

"Wayne, I noticed you from the beginning. And even without Jane's comments, I would have been aware of what was between us. It was palpable and real. I tried to pretend it wasn't happening. Then you told me how you felt when you were high after that fire. You kissed me under hypnosis. You made it really hard for me to ignore you. I could feel your eyes on me. You were ready to take Dan's head off. I knew. I was afraid of this."

"Afraid I would risk it all, my heart, my career and that I was not it for you. I don't know what I want right now. I just felt like when you were talking about my transfer so casually and then said marriage was stupid…"

"Grace, Oh God, I didn't mean, now, it would be and I just, well, that's a lot and you know…"

"God, Wayne listen to yourself now. Even now, when we are trying to work this all out, you are in a flat panic at the word. I know you love me, you say it all the time. But are you in love with me, or just, well the pretty girl at work?"

There it was. Her biggest fear voiced. Being pretty was its own curse No one really listened to you. They just looked at you. Especially as a cop. It was male dominated, and they all wanted to just look and not take you seriously. Being in a unit with a woman head was a gift. Other than Wayne, no one had thought of her as the cute girl. She was a member of the team even if as a rookie she got the crap assignments. But Wayne. Did he love her for who she was or how she looked? At first, she was sure it was her looks. Over time, she began to think otherwise. But now, when it all got tough, and he seemed so uncertain, her fears came crashing back.

"Grace,…"

"No, wait. Don't say it. Don't say anything. We both need time to process."

"Grace, no!. D

on't go anywhere. Tell me what you want, I will do it. I don't want to lose you. Whatever it takes. But you have to tell me."

"That's just it. It's not just what I want. It has to be right for both of us. I don't want to tell you what to do. You should just want it too."

She leaned over and kissed him softly, but pulled back when he would have pulled her down for a closer embrace.

"Wayne, I know what I want. But you have to know what you want. If we are going to make this work, really work with our jobs, we have to be on the same page. Call me later when you have had time to think."

Taking a long look at the handsome and puzzled face, she turned and ran off. He stood and watched her red ponytail swing as her long ivory legs ate up the ground, taking her further away. He had a sinking feeling she was trying to put as much distance between them as possible.

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**Yeah, those freeking angst bunnies hijacked my computer again. Tell them what you think? And if you want those smutty bunnies, call them out too?**


	4. You Don't Say!

**I know, that last conversation didn't make me happy either. All the bunnies had promised to play nice together today. **

**DISCLAIMER: The bunnies are getting smug and have a secret plot to own these character. Alas, I have not part in their machinations and own nothing!**

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You Don't Say!

All the way home, Wayne thought. He was a puzzler. He liked putting pieces together so they made sense. After a shower and breakfast, he began to pace, twisting a Rubik's cube in his big hands. Around, get the red, make the white work, swing the green this way, his hands flew almost as fast as his mind.

He knew he loved Grace. He knew there was something he was missing in all this. He thought about what he remembered of Marcy's conversation. She told him to man up.

Man up. People always said that. After all these years he still wasn't completely sure. The men in his life had not been shining examples. His father, the men in the gang all thought they were men, but they were punks and thugs. The foster fathers were usually shadowing figures you avoided as much as possible. A few teachers were good men. A few fellow cops had that quality.

He thought about men he knew now. Jane, for all his foolishness, stood up for his dead family every day. He stood up for Lisbon. Cho would do whatever it took for those he loved. You never really knew who that was, but you knew Cho would be there. That was it. It wasn't about physical strength, but strength of character. What did Marcy say, stand up for the relationship?

What did he want?

Well that was a good question. What did he want? Did he want a future with Grace? Marriage? Jeez, just that word was pretty freaky. A future with Grace? Well, he sure as hell didn't want one without her. That's the yellow, move it over and make the blue go this way. He thought about the sudden pressure-pain he felt as she ran off. He didn't want to be the man she ran from. He wanted to be literally the go-to guy. No, wait what did Marcy say? Not a guy, a man. Move the white and red again. A man, she said. I need to man up.

The last square lined up with the others that matched it. He stopped and looked at. Things in order made him feel safe, and he had a hellish upbringing. She grew up with things in order. She would need that out here on her own. She had made their unit at the CBI her family. When things got tough, family, he heard, was supposed to hang together. They did for Jane more often then they should have. They did it for Lisbon and just recently for Cho. When it got tough for her, admitting to Lisbon about their relationship, he said it, but then bailed on Grace. Man up.

Tossing the puzzle cube onto his sofa, he grabbed his jacket and keys. It was time to talk to Grace and be the man she deserved. He only hoped he didn't screw this up again.

The knock on the door startled Grace. After her shower and eating, she had hit the market. She was still washing the fruits and organizing her kitchen. It was something she did every weekend. She liked to do it. It made her feel like she was in control. Maybe she would go down to the soup kitchen later. She needed to keep busy.

Peering through the peephole Grace wasn't sure if she had enough in her to talk to him. Oh great, he would be wearing that blue shirt that matched his eyes. She could the tension radiating off him even through the tiny window. Taking a deep cleansing breath, she opened the door.

As he walked into her orderly apartment, he was assailed by the scent of Grace, clean sweet and light. It was a balm to his spirit. Once, as a child, he had been taken to see some distant relative on the hopes of palming him off. He didn't remember much, just how clean and nice the house smelled. It was a combination of lilacs and vanilla and it stayed with him always. Grace and her apartment brought him back to that moment.

"Grace, sit down. I need to say some things to you and I am afraid they might come out wrong. But this is too important to screw up. So, I need to say it all, because if you interrupt me, I am sure that I will say something wrong again. Ok"

His jaw was set and his shoulders were squared.

Grace took another long breath and sat down. Wayne pace up and down a few times in front of the sofa and then finally turned to her. At first his voice was low, as if he were so used to hiding their conversations.

"At first, I think it was a little about your looks. Hell, you are beautiful. I know you get tired of people saying it and thinking that's all you are. I get tired of people commenting on my size. It wasn't something I made happen, it just is. But anyway, there you were, this incredibly gorgeous woman in our unit. I knew being attracted to you was wrong. We worked together. I should see you as a sister or something, like Lisbon. But there was always something more for me. I dunno, something. I do know that when you stood up to Jane at that first meal, I was done for. You had this faith and certainty in your beliefs shining forth. I had never seen anything like it."

"You fell in love with my faith?"

"Yes, no, let me finish? Ok, so it was that moment that put it all together for me. I thought you were hot, and amazing, but you were so much more than that. I've never really been good with women. I mean they talk to me and flirt, and come on to me sometimes, but I always feel like an awkward geek. I was kind of a skinny little nerd until the end of high school when I grew and filled out. Girls didn't talk to me unless they wanted their math done for them. Girls like you, beautiful princesses, never came near me."

Grace's heart just about broke for him. His face was twisted in a painful grimace as he remembered those years. She had been a princess in high school. It wasn't something she wanted, but between her looks and her dad's position, she was one of those girls. She could remember trying so hard to be nice to everyone because it didn't seem fair. She would have talked to awkward Wayne.

"So, I grow 8 inches after I turned 16, and started to fill out. Suddenly women are noticing me, but it still feels weird. I dated a bit, but not seriously. I was never really sure they wanted me. I learned to not expect them to want to hang around. When I first became a cop in San Diego, I had a girlfriend. She was really quiet and nice. But after 8 months of dating, she announced I wasn't exciting enough and started dating a firefighter. Ironic huh?"

Grace at this point was forcing herself to sit still. She wanted nothing more than to throw her arms around him and assure him she wasn't going anywhere.

"So, now you know what lousy boyfriend material I am. Anyway, it may have started because of your looks, but it really is so much more than that now and has been for a long time. I want this, you, me, all of this. I am not going to promise forever. Hell, we don't even know if we will get from day to day in our jobs. That's kind or why I said the thing about marriage being stupid. Between the rules and the stress and everything, we need to just be us I figure before we get to the rest of it. Right now, it is stupid. In the future, well, I think we talk about that again when it's something that feels right to us both. I don't know much about people being married. My parents weren't. But when I think I am ready, there is no one I would rather talk about it with. Grace, I love you."

He stopped in front of the sofa again and forced himself not to look at the floor. He looked her right in the eyes and stood straight and tall. He wanted her to understand he was standing up for them. The silence began to terrify him. Had he completely stepped on his tongue and ruined it forever?

Grace's hand came up and covered her mouth. She was fighting to not burst into tears. Her sweet, shy love had just said more to her about his feelings in the last 3 minutes then he had ever said in 2 months. He was honest and sincere and spoke from his big heart. She was moved beyond words. It was a moment she would treasure in her heart. His eyes were that dark intense blue they got when he was making love to her. But his brow was getting that tiny little worry wrinkle. Time to fix that.

Gasping in a huge gulp of air, she stood suddenly and launched herself into his arms. Thank God his reflexes were so fast and his arms and body so strong. A lesser man would have been knocked over by the force.

"Oh Wayne! I love you too" The words were torn from her before she even realized it. She had never said it out loud before. Grace was always too afraid too let herself completely trust before this. But hearing him explain how he felt and why, it was the only response her heart would allow.

"Really? Really? You love me?" The tenuous hope in his voice was awful. Maybe the reason he hadn't felt like talking about a future, was that she had never fully trusted. Maybe, just maybe, trusting him would be the best thing she ever allowed herself.

"Yes, and I am sorry I didn't say it sooner. We are a silly pair. Neither one was willing to take that leap of trust here. I love you. "

Whatever else she was about to say got swallowed up by a deep, passionate kiss. He had her wrapped tightly in his arms and lifted her to meet his mouth. Wrapping her legs around him, she allowed him to hold her completely, trusting he would.

Turning suddenly so he was able to lie across the sofa, he never let her go as he pulled her down with him. The sweet weight of her curves were pressed against him. He was in heaven. She loved him. She. Loved. Him. She was his miracle, the warm pure light he had sought for so many years alone in the darkness of his life. He wanted to bask in it forever.

Pulling her face from his he looked deeply into her eyes. His big hands cradled her face and his thumbs caressed her cheeks.

"Say it again?"

The raw hoarseness of the plea tugged at Grace. Could his eyes get any bluer? He needed this more than she had realized. Looking steadily into those pools of blue, she said again.

"Wayne Rigsby, I love you. I didn't plan to, I never expected to, but there it is. I love you. That big patient heart of yours owns me completely."

She went to kiss him again, but he held her face away for another moment. He wanted to memorize the look in her eyes when she said that. He had something important to say as well.

"Grace, I know I didn't handle all this really well. I am sorry. When I told Lisbon 'come what may' I didn't back it up with you as I should have. I will never make that mistake again. But Grace, you need to keep me in. Don't go hot and cold again. We need to be together on all of this if we want this, us. God knows I want you and this. Ok?"

"OK. I got scared and panicked too. I was so sure that Lisbon would let it slide that when you started talking about transfers after she did, that I freaked out a little. I shouldn't have freaked at you. You're right. We have to be in this together."

He started to pull her face in for a kiss to seal the deal when she pulled back.

"Wait! I just remembered. She isn't turning us in! Everyone knows anyway. And if we can manage to keep it professional at work, we get to have it all! I was so miserable at our fight, that I almost forgot. I get to keep you and my career!"

She jumped up off him and the sofa. He lay there looking adorably confused. His hair was slightly mussed, a button on his shirt had already been done. She loved looking at him. He was so unaware of his good looks, but she wasn't. She saw how women would follow him with their eyes as he crossed a room. Taking in that long, muscled frame she smiled at him. It was a smile that women had been giving men across the ages. It meant only one thing. He jumped up and followed her into the bedroom. He wasn't the smoothest guy in the world, but he knew what she wanted. He was more than happy to comply.

Before Grace even got to her bedroom door, Wayne caught up with her. His long arm snaked around her waist and he pulled her back against his chest. He couldn't wait that long to touch her, to taste her. Bending down, he began trailing kisses from her cheek to her ear, and down her neck. As he got to that sweet spot where shoulder met her long neck, the kisses changed from soft little presses of lip to tiny nips involving teeth and tongue to soothe. In that moment, Grace almost forgot to breathe. Without even knowing, her arm had snaked around to grab his hips as she pushed her self against the hardness pressing against her ass. Her head had lolled to the side against his broad shoulder, giving him access to whatever he wanted.

When one hand slipped under her t-shirt, sending her nerves dancing at the feel of that big hand on her bare skin, a slight whimper escaped her lips. By the time he had reached up and begun to weigh and stroke her bare breasts, her legs gave out.

Wayne gave a sound between a laugh and a growl when he felt her weight sag against him. The lover in him wanted this time to be special and sweet. The caveman roared at him to take her, mark her, make her his right now. The caveman pushed himself against her harder and delighted in the wiggle she gave against his hardness. The lover tried to just delicately stroke the satin skin, but the caveman won out. He pushed her against the wall and pulled her clothes off helter-skelter. He needed to taste and see all of her right away.

Grace gasped in shock. Wayne was an amazing lover and quite passionate, but had always been careful of his strength. Now it was clear he was planning to dominate her in their lovemaking. Knowing she could completely trust this strength and him sent another rush of wet heat to her already soaking core. He turned her around, holding her face in one hand pushed her against the wall with his large body and attacked her mouth. Stroking and plunging past her pliant lips, his tongue foreshadowed another more intimate incursion. She was naked against a wall, pinned by a fully dressed lover. She had never felt so vulnerable and sexy in her life. Her legs tried climbing him to get closer. His soft t-shirt teased her hard nipples. His stiff jeans over that large bulge abraded her skin in the most delicious manner. He could dominate, but she hardly planned to be passive. She wanted more.

He knew he was being rougher than he had ever been before. The sweet lover in him worried a tiny bit until the caveman pointed out that she was wrapping those gorgeous legs around his hips. The caveman growled again in his throat. He put both hands under her sweet ass and pulled her up into his arms. This time they were not stopping until he got her into a bed. He might be a caveman, but he still wanted to be comfortable, as he planned to make love, hell, fuck her for hours.

Wayne dropped her gently on the bed and stood back for a moment. Grace's braid was half undone, her arms and legs were splayed out. He could see the moisture pooling between her thighs on that small thatch of red hair. She looked up at him from passion lowered lids. Her breath was making those breasts move, drawing his eyes to those impossibly hard and tiny nipples. They were like tiny raspberries atop sweet cream. He wanted to taste them, taste her, taste it all.

He ripped off his t-shirt and pulled his jeans and black briefs down in one quick motion. He smiled as her eyes grew wide at the sudden display of his skin. The size and strength of all his muscles never failed to generate heat in her. Atop all that hard, strong delicious skin was his sweet, handsome loving face.

Her hand reached up and he was on and over her in a moment. He had planned to love her slowly but he couldn't wait another moment. He needed to be insider her, claiming her in the most basic way. Grace relished his large weight pinning her to the bed. There was something so elemental about being under a man as he entered you. It used to make her nervous with the few other men she had been with. She would feel slightly panicked and trapped. Wayne made her feel secure, surrounded by his love. Just as he positioned himself to slide into her heat, she grabbed his face again and looked into his eyes. All that love and passion were overwhelming. She wanted to close her eyes, and hide from it. He deserved more than that. She was done with hiding any part of herself.

"Yes, yes, Wayne, I love you"

His answer was growled out by both the caveman and the lover as he filled her, stretching every inch. "Graaace, I love you. I need you. Mine"!

As he pulled almost all the way out, she whimpered her dismay at the loss of him, but was swiftly rewarded by his deep plunging stroke. At first, he did that slowly and evenly, but it only lasted a few moments. The caveman took over and began plunging into her with speed and strength. Grace was beginning to like Caveman Wayne. She opened her self wider and pulled him in by wrapping her legs high around him. His big hands were holding her head in place, raining kisses on her face as he growled over and over, "Love you, need you, mine mine mine."

She was so keyed up by the emotions and him that her orgasm overtook her suddenly. There was no slow build up, just waves of overwhelming passion tossing her. She held on tight to him, sure in he would catch her as she fell screaming his name in her release. He followed only a moment behind. Her inner muscles pulling him with her.

As they came down from that high together, he rolled over and pulled her across his body. Grabbing the coverlet, he dragged it over them and stroked his hands up and down her back trying to remember how to breathe. Grace was having the same problem, but was sure she was breathing, based on the fact that all of her skin was tingling where he stroked.

"Grace. I love you. You, me, us, this. In or out of bed, I am yours. We do this together, all of it. Come what may. Together. We do it all together. I am your man."

She wanted to cry at his words. She wanted to jump up and scream with joy. She wanted to tell him how much his words meant, how they healed her so deeply. She only had enough energy to wrap herself in his arms and love and murmur, "Together. I love you Wayne."

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**The bunnies worked together nicely today. Do we think they could be rewarded with some reviews? I hate to shamelessly beg, but they seem to have dried up lately? What's up with that?**


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